My sister and I used to play on the bed when we were younger. When my brother was at school or gone out with our dad, we'd find all sorts of fun games to play, for example:
Slides!
Pretty self explanatory, really. We would tilt the whole bed, then climb onto the pillows and slide down the bed to the feet. This proved a slight problem due the whole 'friction' thing; a fully dressed bed and two fully dressed children. So we invented a new game:
Rolling Slides!
So much better than slides, we would tilt the bed up to maximum tilt-ness, then climb the pillows and ROLL down to the feet. A superior game, but getting boring towards the 2-minute mark of playing.
Doctors!
Doctors was a pretty fun game, except we never actually got to the doctory part. The first part was great fun though, so much so that we just repeated that same section over and over until we felt it had lost it's appeal*. I don't think it ever did. Lose its appeal, that is... I think we just forgot how fun it was. Anyway, the first parts of Doctors was one of us lies on the bed and the other one (pretending to be the doctor) pushes the button that raises the bed and then something else should happen, but what we actually did was see if the 'doctor' could climb onto the bed that was now a good way above their head. I can't remember if we ever did. I just remember being told to get off the bed because my sister wanted a turn... or possibly because we weren't meant to be climbing my brother's equipment as if it were Everest. Either way, you'll have to check with my sister if we ever managed to reach the other side of the
I'm sure there were many other games we used to play, but I honestly just remember messing around with bed, not really sure if the memories fit together to make a game or what... maybe that's something to explore...
Anyway, the bed goes up and down and the frame moves with it, so the frame could be anywhere between 6" and 2' off the ground, depending on how many buttons you've pushed. And the bed doesn't pay any attention to obstructions, by the way. So if you put a box under the bed then sent it down, the bed will break your box.
As a young child, however, I didn't realize this. Much like the time my cat bit my finger because I wondered why she never left her mouth open (I leave mine open all the time) so decided to catch her out, thinking she was just being stubborn in keeping her mouth closed, and shoved my finger in her wide open mouth as she was yawning. I thought she would know my finger was there and keep her mouth open. I was wrong. I liken this to my logic that the bed would know that my head was under the corner and wouldn't try and squish it.
Well, numerous things could have happened, but I don't actually know which version is the truth:
1. I was just happening to put my head under the corner of the frame and realized how wonderful and perfect the fit was. Whilst amazed at the fact that my head was snug as a bug under the frame, I pushed what I thought was the 'up' button on the remote, but what turned out to be the 'down' button.
2. I thought I was invincible (happens often) and thought my head was stronger than a bed that uses twice as much power than a refrigerator to function, thus passing as my first grandiose delusion, which came a crushing end- along with my skull (almost) when I attempted to prove my invincibility**.
3. I thought the bed frame had feelings and wanted to test how stubborn the bed was- would he/she persist in this 'lowering' nonsense? Would it prove my suspicions and fall- poor choice of words- from its high road crumbling to its knees crying "No Francesca, how could I ever squish your head? What kind of a
Regardless of the events leading up to my- almost- sticky end, the outcome was the same- I thought I was going to die in that instant, saw my life flash before my life and screamed as loud as I possibly could, but only in my head as I thought screaming could add extra pressure. It all happened so fast! The entire ordeal must have been over in less than a second. I panicked more than I had ever panicked before, thinking this was the stupidest thing that I'd ever done and of course the bed would crack my skull open, killing me and disproving my invincibility. I guess I'd just thought I was special. I guess I'd just thought the bed cared about me. Anyhow, after all of these thoughts flashed at lightening speed through my head, I realized that it was my own thumb on the 'down' button and the 'up' button was just a centimeter to the right. I assume I had slammed my thumb as hard as I possibly could on the 'up' button, because I remember bolting from the room and hiding in my bedroom- ON TOP of my own bed- crying and thinking how stupid I was not to have known the bed had enough weight and force to kill me in seconds. I would like to think I was about five when this happened, but my brother has just informed me that he got the bed in 2004. Making me at least 8 years old. Which would account for me feeling so stupid for not knowing, and thus not telling anyone until a couple of hours ago when I decided to write this post.
I realize that this post hasn't actually told you how I found Jesus down the back of a sofa, but if you think about it, that day gave me a second chance- I should be dead! If it weren't for some divine intervention reminding me of the 'up' button, I'd be jam right about now! And a bed is practically a sofa, people. Am I right?? We own a sofa bed, I know these things. For the record, sleeping a night on the sofa-bed is about as comfortable as almost squishing your brain under a bed frame- also a great comparison that proves I found Jesus down the back of a sofa.
*I didn't actually want to use the word 'appeal' here, as that's not the word I'm looking for, at all. If anyone can shine a light on the word for me, leave it in the comments. It's like, when they say 'a dog is for life not just for Christmas'. Because kids get a puppy and they play with it until it loses its..? Okay well dogs aren't the best example because the thing they lose is their youth. The puppy becomes a dog and the kids lose interest... Now I don't have an example. It's like the exhilaration of doing something for the first time and you do it again but it just doesn't have it's glean. Like drugs! Except with drugs you'll actually keep doing them to try and get the feeling of that first hit back. But with a puppy you know that no matter how much you throw the ball for it, it's not getting any younger. In fact you're wearing the dog out. You're essentially fulfilling the prophecy by eating into the 'dog-gets-a-bone' thing. Really if you want your dog to age slower, by theory, you should stop walking your dog. Actually, if you want your dog to get younger, you really shouldn't be allowed a dog because you clearly don't understand how the 'for life, not just Christmas' thing works...
**I don't know who I was trying to prove this to, as had I been in a lucid frame of mind I would have realized my brains becoming mush a very rational possibility if my invincibility failed, and so no one but the person designated to peel my brains from the floor would have known my mean feat in life (which had at that point evidently failed). Apart from the fact that I'd be dead and no-one could have known why I'd squished my head, my invincibility being evidently false. Alternatively, had my invincibility proved real, what would have happened? Would my head have become all sparkly and shiny and glowy and ghost like, allowing the bed to move through my skull as though it weren't there? Would the bed have sprung backwards, surprised at my super human strength? Would my head have been squished with the bed then popped back into shape once the pressure of the frame had been removed? Well, given I hadn't given any thought to any of this and had just assumed I'd survive, I evidently hadn't been in a healthy state of mind- meeting the requirements for a delusion. This really seems the most feesable explanation when you think about it!
Update
NOVELTY. THE WORD WAS NOVELTY.*
*Thank you Jenna Marbles
