How to Adult?

Hello internet, I’m back.

I haven’t been around for quite a while (as I’m sure you won’t have even noticed to be honest). A lot of stuff has happened in my life in the last year, some you might know from social media, some you might not, and that’s okay because to be honest you don’t know much about me as a human being, just my internet presence—which isn’t astounding—with my opinions and anectdotes on various aspects of life. One thing that’s happened since I last blogged is that I’ve moved out, to go to drama school. I’m at Birmingham School of Acting, studying a foundation in Acting which will hopefully lead me to a place on a BA Acting course in September next year (2016). I’m loving my course, my independence and the experiences I’m encountering since moving away from home. As someone put in one of our induction seminars though: “The best things about university are independence, new friends, and living away from home for the first time. The worst things about university are independence, new friends, and living away from home for the first time.”

For me I’ve done more learning than I thought I could in the short time I’ve been away. I thought I’d share my thoughts with you about this time in my life.

At home I sometimes wash clothes- I know where the powder goes, where the liquid goes, what buttons mean what wash, how long each wash takes, when it's finished and how to tell, light loads/ heavy loads, towels and linen, lace, bras, jeans, you name it, I know how to wash it-- at home. Unfortunately what I didn't logically deduce from being able to use our current washing machine but not our old one: not all washing machines work the same... So the first and most important thing I've learnt from moving is not how to wash, but to READ INSTRUCTIONS.
I've also realised (today in fact) that the earlier you get up, the better your day will be. I know, I know; you're not a morning person. But getting up, even 15 minutes earlier than normal, gives you extra time. Even if you leave in plenty of time normally for work or school, it will improve your mood when you look at the clock after you leave and notice that you have time to spare. If you're someone who leaves on time regularly, you might think you don't need even more spare time, but there is no such thing as spare time. Time is so very, very precious and not even 15 minutes should be wasted. Take the opportunity to really get a good look at your route to work or school- purposefully seek things you haven't seen before, chase the sunrise and listen to the birds as if you can understand what they're saying. Being present in the world- whether in nature, in traffic or just when washing your clothes, is a psychologically proven exercise to improve mental health and relaxation (DBT: Mindfulness). So whilst you be a little grumpier in the morning, your overall well-being will improve. If you're someone like me, however, who leaves at the last minute consistently (I'm never late, though; I might show up to your class or afternoon tea party soaked in sweat from running, but dammit I'm on time) then you will feel the benefits right then and there- if your train or bus is on time, you'll be in plenty time to get it, if you bus or train is late, you'll be in plenty time to get it, and if you walk, you can do the aforementioned mindfulness. 

Here’s a short fire list of a few things I've learnt from moving out:

- Remembering to lock the door

- Responsibility of possessions

- How to search for a lost item

- How to use internet resources to help me

- That don't know infinite stuff

- You can't fit a Virgin Media cable in a Telewest socket (despite what Virgin say)

- Cloths are more hygienic to clean with than sponges
- Sponges clean better than clothes

- Some grease just doesn't come off worktops

- The extractor fan in a kitchen is important

- Rewards cards with supermarkets are useful

- Shopping lists are an infinitely good idea

- Meal plans help shopping lists considerably: if you know what you're buying for, you know what you're buying

- How to dry cloths when it's raining outside

Speaking of drying clothes in the rain, I will add at this point that even if you have school or work 9-5 Mon-Fri washing lines are a good investment. If you can't be home to watch the washing in case of rain, do it at the weekend: clothes dry a lot better outside. Whilst radiators and clothes' horses are good, they can bring issues with condensation, which means your room will be super muggy and also can damage the walls- hence your landlord probably advises against it.

I mentioned there that I’ve learnt about locking doors. That doesn’t mean I remember to do it—last week I messaged my housemate in a blind panic because I couldn’t remember if I’d locked our front door or not. Turns out I probably did, but he didn’t check so my housemates have either all been slaughtered in their beds and I’m speaking to their ghosts each day, or I did lock the door… Or no murderers came into the house whilst the door was unlocked. It’s anybody’s guess really. I’m currently sat on the sofa in sight of the back door which I’ve been meaning to lock since I remembered that I hadn’t done so, about 3 hours ago. But my housemates are out, all my chores are done and the sofa is actually quite comfortable. I hope no one reading this is a burglar sat outside my door. Guess we’ll just have to chance it!

Memory is one of my big struggles—I’m not naturally a forgetful person, but a medication affected my short term memory mildly a couple of years ago and it’s never quite been as sharp as it used to be—so I’ve learnt some good techniques to help me remember things. For example, after the door incident occurred, I do something funny after I’ve locked the door, like turn around a few times then itch behind one of my ears, or try say the name of my road backwards: anything that I’m not used to doing, because my brain will remember the out-of-context things I do, not usually the mundane ‘auto-pilot’ things. If you find yourself forgetting things like this, try it—it also makes me laugh when I remember what I did to remind myself that I had brushed my teeth in the morning. One thing that I think everyone I know who's moved out into a house is struggling with is remembering to put bins out! I do not know how my parents do it, because there four of us and already we've forgotten to put them out (only once have we completely forgotten, but often I find myself struggling to get through our side gate in my slippers in the rain at 11pm because I've remember just as I've crawled into bed. So if you move out, perhaps make a note of when the bins are collected and write yourself a large note in red, bold lettering so you don't forget.

Another thing I’m finding hard is being responsible for myself. I’m happy and independent when my parents are away and I’m left home alone, but living without someone to help look after you is difficult, especially for me having been quite poorly over the last few years. I do take care of myself though, and I have a good network of people around me who I can call on if I do need a bit of extra help. I’ve made quite a few friends through my Christian Union, which I would recommend joining if you’re a Christian at University or drama school. It just gives you a network of friends outside your course and generally gives you a chance to unwind with people who have a different perspective of life. Getting involved in societies is probably equally as good, but as I don’t have time for extra-curricular things, the CU is fine for me. In terms of practically taking care of myself, I’ll go back to that shopping list on my ‘list of life lessons learnt’. I don’t just sit down and decide I want 60 types of banana this week, I look at what I want to eat, then work out what I need to buy for that. Weekly shops vary in price for me, and if I have a particularly hard week, I’ll be tempted to cut back the next week. This week a big struggle was the fact that I couldn’t afford milk so went a week without tea, and if you know the British, you’ll know how crappy your life immediately gets without being able to stick the kettle on and settle down with a cuppa, bourbon and a book. Last week my shop cost £8—this week it was £21 and that included £6 of meat which I barely ever buy (meat) and two bottles of sauce which will probably last me the rest of my time in Birmingham. Shops vary for me, but a usual week will generally cost £10-£15. Anyway less about the prices more about the shop itself. I used to find doing the weekly shop with my dad fun as a little kid, I remember how incredibly expensive it could get, and I remember my ad often sending me to pick carrots. I remember various things he taught me from when shopping was a fun trearue hunt where the longest dates get the biggest rewards, and I also remember the ‘mares of childhood when on several occasions I was found crying by my trolley because my dad hadn’t returned from his hunt for milk or apples. I also remember one time waiting with thr trolley because he had forgotten his wallet or cool box or something from home, and I crossed my arms on the trolley, put my head down and cried for what felt like an hour, because I didn’t realise dad was going to get something and thought he had left me (he didn’t return within 2/3 minutes like he would if he was getting something in the shop). By the time he came back I was a wreck. Anyway, once I got to about 12 or 13, shopping each week wasn’t as fun. And now I try to think of it as that treasure hunt, a game of hide and seek where the long life soya milk is never where it says it is, turkey mince is in the halal lamb section and bread apparently doesn’t exist. I have yet to cry in my local supermarket, but I’m sure it will come. The important thing is what I do next, not how long I cry for or why.

The ‘doing next’ is another thing I struggle with. Some of you may or may not know that I lost someone very special to me before coming away, which makes everything 10 times harder for me. I can’t go near certain shops or foods because they remind me of him, and sometimes I feel sad for no reason and want to call him but I can’t. I haven’t been getting home sick but I am missing him incredibly, which I think takes over from the feeling that I might be missing people I can just call up or message on facebook. Talking to people who aren’t in the city sometimes makes my feelings harder to cope with, because they will answer the phone or their photo will come up against my message saying they’ve seen it. But I’ll never have him answer the phone again, and I’ll never see a little bubble with his picture in again when I IM him on facebook. A blog post I was working on before this happened was a collaborative post with my good friend Heather, about having critically ill or dying family members- needless to say this post was put on hold, but I would like to finish it and show it to you at some point, because if anyone is going through what me and Heather are, I would love them to know that they’re not alone.

Anyway, I realise we’ve drifted off the topic of living independently, but hey, it’s my blog post and if you’re really bothered, you needn’t read!

If I have any other pearls of wisdom about living alone, or recipes, I shall share them in updates to this post, so keep your eyes peeled and watch this URL...