This is a Perilous Path You Walk

How would you like it if you were being used every time someone interacted with you? What would you do if you found out you were only wanted for one purpose? And how would you react if by the time you discovered all of this, your purpose was realized and there was nothing at all you could do about it?
Because you see, this is a very true reality many organisms face, thousands of times a day. There is a minority out there who are used, treated like they're nothing but a stepping stone, then destroyed every time you want to undergo this one, small act of pleasure. A needless amount face peril as you sip your cup of tea.
What many of you won't realize is that as you're reading this right now, up to 100% of biscuits dunked are disconnecting from their base and falling, helplessly, into a cup of boiling tea. Dunking biscuits is a perilous path. Every time you dunk a biscuit, the biscuit fairy is in the corner of the room, whispering into the universe 'this is a perilous path you walk'. There is no escaping the biscuit fairy. She is the one who causes you so much grief, she is the one who puts out into the universe what you get back. Burn the fairy!

Or don't, because it's actually totally your fault that your biscuit just dropped into your tea. I was pining in the week for rich tea biscuits because I desperately want something that tastes heavenly when dunked in a lovely cup of tea. Reminiscing with my mum on the times when we used to have rich tea fingers, I longed for the perfect dunking biscuit -- not just a rich tea -- but a biscuit perfectly shaped to fit in any cup. The legendary rich tea finger. Which I now have! Thanks dad!
However, as previously mentioned, dunking biscuits comes at a price. Leave it in for too long when dunking, you face the possibility of it dropping into your tea, or worse, splitting down your cup running into your tea and also onto your table. If the latter happens, you're torn- do I save my table or my tea? Will my tea still be drinkable or will I be faced with biscuity-bits dancing on my tongue with every slurp and sip? Will my cup still be sticky after wiping the melty-biscuit mess from the side? In the words of my brother, "this is a perilous path you walk". So much could go wrong in this endeavor with so little you can do to negate the wrongness. The only solution viable is prevention and survival mechanisms.

Evaluation of different dunking biscuits.

The Chocolate Digestive
I've previously found grievances with chocolate digestives -- of course if the chocolate melts off into your tea, you have a sweeter cup; however I choose the amount of sugar I put in my cup because that's the sweetness I like, I do not appreciate the extra sweetness brought on by the chocolate which should be on my biscuit. Also, if I had wanted a chocolate-free biscuit I would have picked a plain digestive. I would not recommend this biscuit.

Rich Tea (circle)
This biscuit was actually originally invented for the middle class, as something to munch on between 'full course meals'. So although they weren't invented specifically for dunking, they've served quite a happy purpose. The main issue with these biscuits is that you can only dunk them when your cup is full, otherwise they probably won't fit in your cup (unless you dunk one side at a time, which changes the shape until you can fit it in your cup). The down side of these biscuits it that they're relatively weak. The up side of the down side is that because they only fit in your cup for the first few sips, you're at a relatively low risk of the biscuit splitting.

Rich Tea (fingers)
These were specifically designed with an identical flavour and texture of original rich teas, but with the specific purpose of dunking. Unfortunately, the biscuit's making is also its undoing. As terrifying as terror is, the peril hits when you're least expecting. I would only recommend this biscuit for the tea-timing experts out there. Those of you who don't leave too late to remove the biscuit from the tea, yet also don't remove the biscuit too soon, for if the biscuit is removed too soon, the biscuit is still crunchy (and that's no good!), but if left too late to be removed, the biscuit will flop and potentially drop into your tea or lap. Although these are the only biscuits specifically designed to be dunked, they are also the most dangerous, with a risk factor higher than the SPF on baby-block.

Twix Finger Straws
There was a phase around 6 years ago of heavily publicized twix-dunking. It wasn't real dunking, but had the same messy consequences; bit both ends off a twix finger, stick it in your tea and slurp through. Supposedly the biscuit's hollow nature would provide a straw for the tea to come up to your mouth, the caramel on top would flavour the tea sweeter and the chocolate apparently would stay on the biscuit. All that would actually happen is that the biscuit would become mushy by the tea being forced through, the caramel would melt on your fingers, you end up inhaling tea and bits of biscuit and the whole thing disintegrates. You're left with a messy kitchen; nasty, sticky hands and a ruined cup of tea. I hope you're happy.

Jaffa Cakes
Don't even try it.

My only other solution to the problem of biscuity tea would be to just not dunk biscuits, but that wouldn't really be fun. That's like saying, rather than risk injury, why not just stay in a safe room and do nothing, ever. It would not be a good solution! I would really like the ability to invent a device that allows you to dunk biscuits in tea without the issue of soggy biscuit at the bottom of your mug, but that's an unlikely possibility for two reasons: one, I'm too easily distracted and wouldn't be allowed in a lab because of this and two, I don't have anywhere NEAR enough money, and even if I did, I'd never make it all back as most people who choose the perilous path of dunking biscuits in tea (like myself) would simply continue to gamble on their tea's life by dunking and avoiding products (which probably don't work anyway) claiming to be the solution to all their soggy-biscuit-tea problems.

These are most of my thoughts on the matter, but feel free to leave a comment. Also, apparently Heston Blumenthal did an experiment to determine how best to eat a biscuit, and, apparently, biscuits taste better dunked.