Firstly I would like to point out that I've just come out of a psychiatric hospital, where I spent 12 weeks coming down from a manic episode, then up from a lower mood. During my time in hospital I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, a mood disorder characterised by extreme mood swings from very low (depression) to very high (mania). During my time in hospital I met a lot of people, some great, some not so great. I also had an 'influx of caring' as I'll refer to it. This brings me to my main observation: Britain loves a crisis. By this I don't mean that we like when hurricanes hit, or when towns flood or the world goes to war. I mean we're very much and 'out-of-sight out-of-mind' society. We even have emojis for 'hear no evil, see no evil, do no evil'. If that's not a text world built on aversion I don't know what is. The 'influx of caring' I'm talking about is people sending me cards, or visiting me or doing their absolute best at caring by 'reacting' to a facebook update with a sad face (this is another thing I will come to soon). The Influx of Caring is when everyone rallies round to visit someone in hospital, people I haven't seen for a while, or who wouldn't have offered to meet up with me if I was out of hospital and perfectly healthy, or even sat at home in an episode of depression. Just because someone's not in hospital doesn't mean they're not ill. But here in England-- generally developed society-- we like to ignore issues until they're pushed in our faces; we don't care about a specific issue until it is directly affecting our lives-- or our news feeds (again, yet to come). I had people offering to come and visit, supportive cards and letters sent to me, several messages on facebook from people I don't often talk to or haven't seen in years, everyone sorry to hear I'm unwell and hope I'm on the mend soon. But now that I'm out of hospital? I've had one card 'glad to hear you're out of hosptial'. Even though it is more convenient for my friends to come to my home or to meet me in town than it is to have got to my unit all the way in mansfield, I've had only my best friend meet up with me. On my week on leave from hospital I had a lot booked- people wanted to see me, wanted my help with things, to take me out, loads of offers. Since the day I've been discharged though, I've been very couch-potato. The only consistent time I leave the house is Wednesday evenings to go swimming with my dad. I know that when someone is in crisis it's easy to see and to offer support, but when I was in hospital I had 24 hour care, people to talk to if I needed, never alone if I didn't want to be, I was looked after-- I didn't need people to visit to do whatever they thought they were doing. Don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful for all of my visitors, friends, family, family-friends! It did boost morale and helped motivate me to get out of hospital. But my point is- I had professional help and care. Now that I am at home though, no one calls. No one sends cards, or offers to visit. I'm currently coming to terms with a diagnosis which in one way is a relief because there is finally a name to a face and once you know what the problem is, then you can start fixing it. But right now is when most of my rehabilitation happens; going back into the community, doing things, seeing people, getting meaning back to my life once again. Among all this 'finding the new normal' and adjusting my lifestyle to prevent triggers and relapse, I've also got to be thinking about what I learned from my time in hospital, how I can prevent further episodes, and trying to identify early warning signs. These things would all be a lot easier with the support of friends and family. Whilst I have the unlimited support of my mum, dad, brother and sister, I'm failing to have much support from those who were offering the world and his wife when I was in hospital. I didn't know mania was coming, so I wasn't monitoring 'symptoms' or early warning signs, so I don't know what they are. Once the mania set in and I was at crisis point, I was so out of it that I don't remember the signs of an impending crisis. These are things I'm coming to terms with and trying to remember and record, and learn from to help myself stay better for longer.
The next point I want to make is about social networking sites and how people think they are really helping by typing a few words on their keyboard. Again I'm not ungrateful for people's support-- it is nice to know people care and I know some of those people really are 'thinking of (me)' or 'praying for (me) and family'. But honestly, reacting with a sad face when my dad tells you I've been admitted to hospital? Top class care that is. If all you can muster when one of your 'friends' is in crisis, perhaps you're not the best match after all. And again, I understand that some people mean what they say-- I know my dad's work colleagues were concerned about him and me and the situation, I know people from St Micheal and All Angels care about, and were praying for, me. But people I haven't spoken to in years, people who have actually contributed to my anxiety, or to my depression, or have been callous with my grief, those people popping up and telling me they're there if I need to talk? No. You're not there anytime I need to talk, because I needed to talk a few years ago when I was in my first pit of depression, and you spread rumours and prompted me for gossip. You won't bring me anything I need, because now that I'm out of hospital your support seems to no longer be on offer. I also take umbrage to facebook's 'reactions' and people commenting on statuses because if people really genuinely cared, they would go out of their way to make a difference, like sending a card, or even just messaging privately on facebook; a status is put under your nose when you're checking your facebook feed "oh no, thinking of you". Do you then think to yourself "Yes, Francesca, today you have made a difference in Hana's life. She'll know you care deeply because you commented on her dad's status she was tagged in. I deserve a 'stigma free' medal!". I don't think so.
The final point I want to make, and of course the most obvious, is that I talk about people 'rallying round', but in all honesty, people don't. People do not want to get their hands dirty- no commitment, no obligation. I'll use that classic line "If mental illness was treated like physical illness ____".
Imagine, in Nottingham, Maggie's Cancer Trust (the cancer hub for Nottingham), and the newly opened Teenage Cancer Trust suite at QMC pack up, because they're looking towards more preventative treatments than inpatient, because if they can prevent enough cancer, the beds won't be needed because cancer won't exist or can be managed in the community. Imagine breaking your leg and waiting for 6 weeks to get it cast, in the meantime being prescribed the most run-of-the-mill painkiller because hey- if it works for one it woks for all! Let's go back to the case in point, my friend tried to kill herself a few years ago. She was suffering from depression and an eating disorder among other things. she was 14 years old, and because there weren't enough beds on any CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services) units, she spent nearly two weeks on a post-surgery ward with a little boy who had an ear operation and a kid who fell off his bike and into a coma. Another example, I know someone else who tried to kill themselves. She had depression and anxiety, and was referred for counselling by her Doctor. The wait for assessment was 12 months, by which point her medication had started working and she was more stable, her assessor telling her (remember after the 12 month wait) that the therapy she had been referred to was not suitable for her. The reason I gave hypothetical scenarios for physical illness and genuine scenarios for mental illness is that you would never be waiting 6 weeks for a broken bone to be seen too, but if you've tried to kill yourself, waiting between 3 and 12 months to start treatment is a very real possibility. So is the bed shortage; if a child in Nottingham requires inpatient treatment specifically for an eating disorder, the closest units are in Lancashire and Solihull (Birmingham). I've talked a lot about the difference in health care for physical vs mental, and I wrote an entire blog post previously about the social attitude to mental illness in comparison to physical illness, so I think I've rambled on long enough for tonight. I will, however, sign off with some top tips:
1. Never dismiss someone's mental health problems. If someone's trusted you enough to tell you they're struggling, they deserve your respect. They've opened up about a big taboo so don't you dare belittle them.
2. Keep caring after the crisis is over. Just because they're no longer in hospital doesn't mean they don't still need a cup of tea or walk and a chat.
3. If you're struggling with mental health problems please, please talk to someone. Humans aren't as scary as you'd think.
You don't have to be suicidal to call, you don't have to be in crisis to call. But you can call in either of those scenarios as well.
Samaritans
24-hour confidential telephone, email and text message service.
Samaritans.org
Toll Free: 08457 90 90 90
24-hour confidential telephone, email and text message service.
Samaritans.org
Toll Free: 08457 90 90 90
C.A.L.M. Helpline
National helpline open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Also check out To Write Love on Her Arms, a charity dedicated for providing hope and finding help for those struggling with drepession, addiction, selfharm and suicide, along with a load of other issues. They're celebrating their 10th anniversary this year, well worth a drop in. www.TWLOHA.com
Sorry. I am typing a few words via social media . Why ? Because i actually understand. By the way, proud and impressed by your description of the dogs. Best wishes Glenn
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